Favorite Tag Lines

I think the banjo is the one thing that could have saved Nixon. - Steve Martin

The reason that some portraits don't look true to life is that some people make no effort to resemble their pictures. - Salvador Dali

History repeats itself; that's one of the things that's wrong with history. - Clarence Darrow

If you can't sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there and worrying. It's the worry that gets you, not the loss of sleep. - Dale Carnegie

If you go flying back through time and you see somebody else flying forward into the future, it's probably best to avoid eye contact.

Always remember that you are unique, just like everyone else.

May you die in bed at 95, shot by a jealous spouse.

Given a choice between two theories, take the one which is funnier. Like Creationism. God just thought it was funny to make the rocks here seem to be 5 billion years old.

You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither. - Steve Martin

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base. - Dave Barry

There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't.

9 out of 10 men who try Camels prefer women.

Fact: Most criminals were raised by heterosexual parents.

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

If God didn't want us to eat animals, why did he make them out of meat? - Homer Simpson

If you hit a man over the head with a fish, he'll have a headache for a day. If you teach a man to hit himself over the head with a fish, he'll have a headache for the rest of his life.

Stop animal testing; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx

When going through hell, keep going. - Winston Churchill (ala Kinky Friedman)

Many people do not realise that the snowshoe can be used for a great many things besides walking on snow. For instance, it can be used to carry pancakes from the stove to the breakfast table. Also, it can be used to carry uneaten pancakes from the table to the garbage. Finally, it can be used as a kind of strainer, where you force pancakes through the strings to see if a piece of gold got in a pancake somehow.

Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it's made up of two separate words *mank* and *ind* What do these words mean? It's a mystery to me, and that's why so is mankind.

I never imagined I would live to see the day when the United States and its satellites would use precisely the same arguments that the apartheid government used for detention without trial. It is disgraceful. - Archbishop Desmond Tutu

A chrysanthemum by any other name would be much easier to spell.

In any event, let me assure you that Perl 6 will not be as difficult to learn as Japanese. - Larry Wall

Every adult needs a child to teach; it's the way adults learn. - Frank A. Clark

Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. - Abraham Lincoln

Please write your complaint legibly in that box -->[].

Since any reasonable person would choose a Mac over a PC, Apple's market share does provide us with an accurate reading of the percentage of reasonable people in our society. - Roger Ebert.

Life is like a game of cards. The hand that is dealt you is determinism; the way you play it is free will. - Jawaharlal Nehru

Anything is good and useful if it's made of dark chocolate.

Why do they treat us like children? they said & I said why do you treat them like adults? - Brian Andreas

Reading taglines makes you stupid.

Quotations are for people who are not saying things worth quoting. Ouch.

I'm particularly fond of "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." Which is why I always do shots at my desk. - Evan Woolard

Above article Last updated: Mon, 29 Oct 2018 10:44:05 -0400